When Toddler Behaviors Get in the Way of Play

Key Takeaways:

• Maladaptive ("bad") behaviors can interfere with play, limiting development of motor and social skills, communication, and emotional regulation.

• Maladaptive behaviors often show up when a child has limited motor skills for the task, sensory overload, low frustration tolerance, fatigue or hunger, difficulty with transitions, and small communication skills.

• PT can help when limited motor skills are a cause of maladaptive behaviors. Speech therapy can help when limited communication skills are the cause. OT can help when sensory differences are the cause. And for cases where the maladpative behaviors are significantly impacting the family and participation with peers, a certified ABA therapist is crucial. Early intervention is essential!

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Play is how toddlers learn. Through play, they build motor skills, social skills, communication, and emotional regulation. But what happens when maladaptive behaviors—like hitting, throwing toys, refusal, constant meltdowns, or avoiding interaction—begin to interfere with play?

As a pediatric physical therapist, I want parents to know this first: this is common in toddlerhood, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Toddlers are still learning how to manage their bodies, emotions, and sensory experiences. When play breaks down, it’s often a sign that your child needs support.

Let’s talk about why these behaviors happen and what you can do to help.

Why Toddlers Show Challenging Behaviors During Play

Maladaptive behaviors often show up when a toddler is overwhelmed, under-challenged, or unable to communicate their needs. Common contributors include:

• Limited motor skills (the toy or activity is too hard)

• Sensory overload (noise, movement, textures, or crowds)

• Low frustration tolerance

• Fatigue or hunger

• Difficulty with transitions

• Big emotions with small communication skills

From a PT perspective, I often see behaviors increase when a child’s motor abilities don’t yet match what they want to do. That mismatch can lead to throwing, screaming, or disengaging.

Step 1: Look at the Body Before the Behavior

Before addressing the behavior itself, ask:

• Is my child physically able to do this activity?

• Are they stable enough (core strength, balance)?

• Is the activity too fast, too hard, or too unpredictable?

What You Can Do:

• Simplify the movement (bigger target, slower pace, lighter toy)

• Provide physical support (sitting instead of standing, playing at a table instead of the floor)

• Choose toys that match your child’s current motor level

When the body feels successful, behavior often improves.

Step 2: Adjust the Play Environment

Toddlers thrive in environments that are predictable and supportive.

Try This:

• Reduce visual and auditory distractions

• Limit the number of toys available at once

• Play on the floor where your child feels grounded

• Use the same play routine each day

A calmer environment helps toddlers regulate their nervous system so they can engage more positively.

Step 3: Use Movement to Regulate Emotions

Movement is a powerful tool for regulation. Many toddlers who struggle during play actually need more or different types of movement.

Regulating Movement Ideas:

• Pushing a laundry basket or heavy toy

• Crawling through tunnels or under chairs

• Jumping with two feet

• Rolling a ball back and forth before starting structured play

These activities provide proprioceptive input, which helps the brain feel organized and calm.

Step 4: Co-Regulate, Don’t Correct

Toddlers cannot self-regulate yet—they need adults to help them do it.

Instead of saying:

• “Stop throwing!”

• “Use your words!”

• “That’s not nice!”

Try:

• “Your body looks frustrated. Let’s take a break.”

• “This is hard. I’ll help you.”

• “Let’s try together.”

Connection should come before correction.

Step 5: Break Play Into Short, Achievable Pieces

Long or complex play expectations can overwhelm toddlers.

Make Play More Successful:

• Aim for 1–3 minutes of engagement at first

• End play before frustration peaks

• Celebrate effort, not perfection

• Stop while things are going well

Positive experiences build tolerance for longer play over time.

Step 6: Teach Replacement Behaviors

When toddlers hit, throw, or melt down, they’re communicating something. Help them learn what to do instead.

Examples:

• Throwing toys → throw a ball into a basket

• Hitting → push the wall or a pillow

• Refusing → offer two simple choices

This teaches appropriate motor and emotional responses without shaming.

When to Seek Extra Support

Consider reaching out to a pediatric physical therapist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, or ABA therapist if:

• Behaviors consistently prevent play or learning

• Your toddler avoids movement or becomes very upset during physical play

• You notice delays in gross motor skills

• Play feels stressful more often than enjoyable

Early support can make a huge difference—and it’s never about labeling your child, but supporting their development.

Finally

Toddler behaviors are not a reflection of poor parenting or a “bad” child. They are signals from a developing nervous system that’s still learning how to move, feel, and interact with the world.

With the right supports—movement, environment, connection, and patience—play can become enjoyable again.

And remember: you don’t have to figure this out alone. Pediatric therapists are here to help both you and your child succeed.