Worried Your Child Isn't Playing with Their Friends? The Stages of Play: What They Are and When They Happen

Key Takeaways:

• There are 6 stages of play; from unoccupied play (0-3 months old) to cooperative play (4-6 years old).

• Knowing these stages help set realistic expectations during play dates and on the playground.

• Your child is always learning from being in social settings, regardless of their type of engagement. Social exposures are crucial for building confidence with peers in group settings.

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If you’ve ever watched kids at the playground, you may notice that a 2-year-old plays very differently from a 5-year-old. That’s because children move through predictable stages of play as their social, emotional, and cognitive skills grow.

These stages were first described by researcher Mildred Parten, and they’re still widely used today to help understand what’s developmentally appropriate.

Here’s a simple breakdown of each stage:

1. Unoccupied Play (Birth to 3 Months)

This is the earliest form of play. Babies aren’t “playing” with toys yet. Instead, they’re:

• Kicking their legs

• Waving their arms

• Following faces or lights

• Exploring how their bodies move

These movements build the foundation for later play by helping them learn about their bodies and the world.

2. Solitary Play (0 to 2 Years)

During solitary play, babies and toddlers play alone. They’re focused on exploring objects, textures, colors, and sounds.

Examples include:

• Banging blocks together

• Turning pages of a board book

• Pushing a toy car back and forth

• Exploring a sensory bin

This stage supports attention span and creativity. Even toddlers at a busy playdate will often prefer playing by themselves—that’s normal!

3. Onlooker Play (1 to 2.5 Years)

In this stage, children watch other kids play but don’t join in yet.

They may:

• Stand nearby observing

• Smile or laugh at others’ actions

• Comment to a parent about what they see

This is the beginning of social learning. Kids are figuring out the “rules” of play by watching first.

4. Parallel Play (2 to 3 Years)

A hallmark of toddlerhood! Kids play side by side, often with similar toys, but not together yet.

For example:

• Two toddlers pushing toy trucks near each other

• Sitting side-by-side coloring

• Building separate block towers next to a friend

They’re aware of other children but still focused on their own play. This builds early social comfort.

5. Associative Play (3 to 4 Years)

Children start interacting loosely with others.

You may see:

• Kids sharing materials (crayons, blocks)

• Taking turns, but inconsistently

• Talking to each other during play

• Mimicking each other’s ideas

The play is social but not organized toward a common goal. It’s a bridge to true group play.

Here's a great toy to encourage turn taking (and a huge hit with toddlers)!

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6. Cooperative Play (4 to 6 Years)

Now play becomes truly interactive and collaborative. Kids work together toward a shared goal.

Examples include:

• Building a block city as a group

• Playing “house” with assigned roles

• Following rules in simple board games

• Creating group pretend-play scenarios (pirates, school, superheroes)

This is when you’ll see more teamwork, more communication, and more complex imagination.

Summary: Age Ranges for Each Stage of Play

Stage of Play	Typical Age Range
Unoccupied Play	Birth – 3 months
Solitary Play	Birth – 2 years
Onlooker Play	1 – 2.5 years
Parallel Play	2 – 3 years
Associative Play	3 – 4 years
Cooperative Play	4 – 6 years

Kids don’t switch from one stage to the next overnight. They often move back and forth depending on the setting, mood, or familiarity with other children.

Why Understanding Play Stages Helps

Recognizing the stages of play helps you:

• Set realistic expectations for social interactions

• Understand what your child is learning, even when it doesn’t look social

• Create play opportunities that match their development

• Reduce worry when your toddler prefers playing alone (it’s normal!)

Every stage is a chance for your child to explore, learn, and grow. These social exposures, even when your child is not directly interacting with the other kids, are crucial for building confidence with peers in group settings.

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